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"By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples..." (Jn. 13:35)

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:31:04 GMT

The pews are full,
All must be well.
And so we sit back and we smile
Complacent in familiar style
of sermon, prayer and song.

The mask I wear
Is everywhere
Mirrored in the faces of those
whose Sunday best will never show
That something might be wrong.

A heart in pain,
A life of shame
A bitter sorrow locked away
A soul gone cold afraid to say
"Extend to me some grace".

If one's not there
We wonder where
And shrug, "Their holiness won't keep"
At least the needs can't go too deep
If everyone's in place.

If "How are you?"
Were only true,
For constant doubt or nagging fear
All this and more lie buried here,
But smiling, we say "Fine."

"The world," it's preached,
Is what we'll reach
While sitting in the pew beside
Someone who is dying inside
With no apparant sign.

If we're to say
Christ is the way
And prove that we've got something more
To others lost outside our doors
It starts before we're sent.

Critique, condemn
And just attend?
Christ said by our love we're defined.
We're sitting in the pews on time.
But is that all He meant?

What's For Supper?

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 21:29:31 GMT

Since being married, people seem fascinated to quiz me on my cooking habits.

The first questionthat comes is, predictably, "How's married life?" (To which I reply, "WONDERFUL!" of course.) But it's amazing how many people follow it up with, "What are you making for supper?" as happened twice today.

Today the question was posed by an elderly volunteer who comes weekly to clean the office where I work.
         "Hmmmm," I answered, "I'm not sure yet, but I think I'll make tacos."
         "Oh. . . " She stood looking at me thoughtfully. "Well, I'm sure he's used to stuff. . . like that. . ." Her voice trailed off for a moment and then she shook her head and chuckled. "You know. These young people will eat anything!"

Ah ha. Thanks for that vote of confidence.

Dreams coming true

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 00:36:42 GMT

“Why don’t you ever post any more?” The girls asked me at retreat.

“I will!” I said. But what do I ever post about? What’s happening or what's on my mind. “I’ve even started a few times. But the only thing that’s going on and the main thing I think about is our wedding, our house, and my wonderful Packy, and no one wants to hear about that.”

“Why not?!” They were a little indignant. "Who says?"

“But it’s soooooooooooo sappy!” I sighed. Even though I'm now hopelessly in love, I am smart enough to remember that sappy people can just be annoying if it gets out of hand.
They tell me I'm allowed to be sappy. So, here I am.

We're setting up housekeeping in a little square house that resembles a garage. (Probably because it used to be one.) It doesn't really resemble my original "dream house" idea that I've had for years except that it has lots of windows. But don't misunderstand me. I love it. It has become the home of my dreams.

I had a conversation with Jonny a couple years ago that might explain how I feel. I was making some comment about my "dream house".

"You know," he said practically, "You probably won't get your dream house."

"I know," I said. Then I thought a moment. "No, I think I could. It might not look like the house I'm describing, but I believe I will get my dream house. Any house could be adjusted to become my dream house."

He disagreed with me. "Anything? There's no way a cardboard box could be your dream house."

I told him that it could. . . depending on who was sharing the cardboard box with me.

And so here I am, very fond of our cozy little house (which is highly superior to a cardboard box, just to clarify) and looking forward to moving in. I love it when the afternoon sun streams in the patio doors. I love it when I sit down to play piano and the sound fills the house. I love the little kitchen, the windows that swing inside for easy washing, the bedrooms, and even the wierd bathroom with the toilet out in the middle of the floor. I love to step outside and walk under the trees and imagine where we might put the garden or a flowerbed. I love the house -- but what I love most of all is when Packy and I are there together and it starts to feel like home.

A few very outdated pictures - looks different by now so I suppose I'll have to post again.

Quote of the Day:
"Want go to Grammy's house?"
--Caleb, who wasn't at all impressed with our house after he learned that it didn't have any toys.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 02:06:30 GMT

My co-worker Rhonda and I were playing with two little girls at work. One of them fell asleep in my lap, and the other – I’ll call her Sara – was playing make-believe with Rhonda and carting around a small doll as her baby. I overheard this conversation between the two of them:

“This is my husband,” Sara said.

“Oh! What’s his name?”

“Santos.”

“Hi Santos, pleased to meet you,” Rhonda said politely to the imaginary man.

Sara turned suddenly and her tone was angry. “Santos! I’m going to punch you in the face!”

Rhonda was genuinely shocked. “Sara! Why would you talk like that?”

Sara looked at her. “He’s my husband,” She said simply, as if puzzled that Rhonda was questioning her.

I almost laughed, but the reality of the situation was so saddening to me that I haven’t forgotten it. Children only imitate what they see and hear around them. What are they seeing? What are they hearing? Does our culture or the media place any value on marriage and family, let alone the God-given roles of men and women? Hardly.

Trying to establish a stable, godly home in a world as dark as this seems so small and insignificant compared to the statistics and the opposition. But so necessary. Sometimes I wonder if I am up to the challenge. Yet God is so much bigger. His Kingdom will win in the end. And maybe we can make our corner of the world a little brighter by living His way.

But do the kids like Sara even have a chance to know the joy of commitment and true love?

Quote of the day: “What we desire our children to become, we must endeavor to be before them.”

-Andrew Combe

A Rainbow Colored Day

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 02:24:32 GMT

There are, I find, more ways to define a perfectly lovely day. . . for I've had another one. Even lovelier than the last.

I might even say that it was -- as someone once wrote -- "A rainbow colored day. . . one of those rare days when everything seems to go right."

Warm sunshine. . .

Beautiful summertime. . .

Sparkling lakes. . .

Lighthouses. . .

Waterfalls. . .

Laughter. . .

Love. . .

An engagement. . .

Leaving me overflowing with happiness and praising the faithful God who has already given me so much, but continues to pile joy upon joys.

Could I possibly be more blessed?

Quote of the Day:
"Will you marry me?"
--Packy

A Lovely Day

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 23:27:43 GMT

How might one define a lovely day?
Activities? Weather? Scenery?
What makes one day
more lovely than another?

My lovely day was spent
in the company of a beautiful friend.
And the time we spent together was special
because it is rare.

Having tea and enjoying the sunshine. . .
pondering the seasons of life.
Dashing through the rain. . .
and laughing about nothing in particular.

Walking together and talking
about family, friends, and God,
Reminiscing about times past
or just enjoying comfortable silence.

Music,
Conversation,
And friendship intact even through distance and time. . .
One definition of a truly lovely day.

(Finally it's my turn to post about seeing a friend from BMABI!)

Quote of the Day:
"A cheerful friend is like a sunny day, which sheds it's brightness all around."
-unknown

Oh, Canada...

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 23:24:29 GMT

I am in Osler, Saskatchewan . . . on a family vacation!

Relaxing. Eating too much. Shopping. Visiting. Playing with Caleb. Reading.

I am going to Calgary, Alberta on Monday, do to much of the same, I suppose.

Such a good boy, riding in his car seat for 18 hours!

Playing piano at Aunt Ruth's

The guys

Mommy and Caleb

Mom and Matt's Aunts Ruth and Betty making brunch

And that's what I'm up to for the next week or so!

Quote of the Day: "Ta-na-na!"
-Caleb, translation "Canada"

Parties

Tue, 27 May 2008 14:00:29 GMT

A birthday Party. . .

Jonny and Shane

A Stoll "mini-reunion" . . .

Dale and Donny Karen and Aunt Mary Little cousins

Luke, Shelby and Becky say, "I LOVE reunions!"

A Graduation . . .

Jonny's Graduated Nathan wants more pickles! Something is funny.

Quote of the Day:
"Once a Mennonite, always a Mennonite. It's kind of like alcoholism."
--Anonymous

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Wed, 21 May 2008 03:04:18 GMT

July, 2006. At the name that appeared in my inbox, my heart leaped and set off at a pounding rate as it always did when I received an email from him, rare as they were. Even more unusual was a note of this length. I kept my composure and hoped my flushed face didn’t betray me as life continued on around me while I sat in the living room and read the letter.

“I had pretty much decided that God was telling me to move, but I wasn’t entirely sure where…” There was a short explanation about him eliminating two out of three places he’d considered, but he left the third place un-named and merely concluded, “So I guess that only leaves one place yet. I haven't decided for sure. or when it would be. Logic says it would be dumb to move there.”

The galloping heart stopped to a halt at this point, then resumed it’s beating a little more normally as I slowly re-read the paragraph. What was he talking about? My logic told me, Its here. He means that he would move to Wisconsin, given the opportunity. Why else wouldn’t he have said where? Was that it? What does he mean? And…why…is he telling me this?

October, 2006. We were seldom alone, but this time we were, talking easily, as friends do. He talked about his future plans. I wondered, hesitated, and finally swallowed hard and asked the question that I was dying to ask. As soon as I opened my mouth I could hear my common sense telling me Stop! Don’t even go there! But it was too late.

“Ummm…you know you said you thought maybe you should move…somewhere? Do you…still…think that?” My face was burning and I was sure he could see it. What had possessed me to actually admit my curiosity?

He didn’t look at me, but didn’t seem to be disturbed by the question. Nor did he offer any more information. “I think sometime,” he finally said. “But not yet.” If I over-analyzed it, it could seem like he meant, wait.

“Okay,” I said. I will.

April, 2008. “I can have the job if I want it,” he said.

I held my breath. “And?”

“And it looks like I’ll be moving down there in four weeks.”

Overcome with happiness, I could hardly say more than, “Really? That’s…great!” And suddenly the wait had a little bit more of a time frame.

So I was right. And much water has passed under the proverbial bridge since I got that mind-blowing email in which Packy hinted *gasp!* at moving here.

But now he comes! Soon! This weekend!

Quote of the Day:
Jenny: "Caleb, Laura and Jonathan are here!"
Caleb: "Packy?"
He's got it figured out.

Disappointment

Tue, 13 May 2008 23:13:55 GMT

    I was blessed to have a smooth transition from Bible School to home. I missed my new friends, and saying goodbye to over 40 people at once was ridiculously sad, but I was so glad to be back to my familiar routine, that I just slipped into the groove easily. But ever since, I randomly have moments of nostolgia - some more intense than others - for BMABI. (Or EBI,or whatever it is supposed to be called now).
    ... I flipped through the hymnal the other day and came to "In Heavenly Love Abiding". I want to sing our arrangement with the choir.
   ... I listened to a CD of Jessica G's family singing. I miss talking to her.
   ... I heard a simply awful version of "Canon in D". I wish Evangeline and Jana were here to play it so beautifully on their violins.
   ... I worked on more of the chapters that we didn't cover in "School of Biblical Evangelism". It would be so nice to be able to discuss this in class.
... I played volleyball (of sorts).
... Val posts pictures on her xanga of all the visitors they get in PA.
... Rox sent me her granola bar recipe.
... I saw a guy go across the street that looked like Mr. Norrill.
... Sometimes, I even miss Elnora, the odd little town that it is.
And the list could go on and I could say something that I miss about every single one of my friends, starting with my dormies and going on through the yearbook.
   So it happens very occassionally that I smile and sigh and say to myself, "I miss ____" (fill in the blank). I realize that this is normal. And will continue to happen until I'm old[er] and reminiscing and searching the faces of young people and matching up last names and playing the Mennonite game by saying, "Why, you're so and so! I went to Bible School with your mother!" (Or whatever.)
   But lately it's this that makes me feel very, very, deprived indeed: knowing that soon many from my term will be together for a reunion that - because of distance and circumstances - I will not be able to attend.
   It can't be helped, and I know life will go on - quite happily - even though I can't see everyone. But the understanding of this doesn't necessarily make the disappointment any less. So just let me vent and forgive me for this melancholy post. But I think I'll go watch the talent show vidoes now and enjoy moping in my nostolgia.

Quote of the Day:
"Can anybody remember help me find that verse? It goes....something...something, something..."
--Mom